Here is a different opinion from a guy who considers himself a feminist. He is one of the coolest guys I know who since I met him has never backed out of identifying himself as a supporter of equal rights no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Thank you Tino for your support and we hope your journey goes as it should.
Take it away!
I would appreciate it if you actually do not exist. And no, that is not an insult or my narcissist self proclaiming that I am too good for you. Rather, it is me hoping that you will defy societal expectations and see beyond ‘a future husband, your other half… me.’ You are more whole than any man or I will ever fill up so bear with me as I write off our future union, I would rather it not happen, for your own good and that of other women.
For what seems to be ages since it started, the feminist or woman agenda has made significant strides in uplifting the woman. It seems, however, that although we can stand tall against patriarchal forces everywhere else, we seem weak when it comes to future husbands, husbands and our mothers’ husbands (By the way by ‘we’, I mean us, feminists. Yes me too.). Although we have achieved sending both the boy and girl to school, we somehow still tell the girl so very subtly that she must do this and that in this way and that way, lest she does not get married. We still paint a picture where marriage (or at least some form of association to a man) is the ultimate thing a woman should do in a lifetime.
Let me be direct Ms. Lady. In as much as we push for the feminist agenda and for the independence of the woman (#Ms. Independent), we somehow do not free her from the expectation that she is to have a man. Don’t get me wrong, I am not telling any woman not to do as she wants in as far as who she develops her relationships with is concerned. But let it be fine and acceptable, classy even! That a woman can live her life, develop her career, make money and do all the things that attract us to the lifestyle of rich bachelors for example, if she so chooses, without a man.
As a man, a feminist, I feel hypocritical, diabolical even for saying that women should be allowed to be independent and then go around telling you, Ms. Lady, that I hope to marry a strong independent woman like yourself so that I can lavish in the fact that in as independent as you are, you are still dependent on me, my emotional provisions, my love?
I may have, at one point, wished for our union and pledged that it would be equal and fair as I am a feminist and would be sad to see you oppressed in our union. However, with the way I see it now, that union itself is an oppression, mostly to you as society makes it more of a necessity that you partake in it than it does to me.
If you are really supposed to be my love, then it shall be lovelier to see you flourish beyond the limitations and barriers that society places on you (husbands included) than for you to be bound right next to me. Dear Ms. Lady, although we are ‘meant to be’ I choose not to participate in the limitation of your potential by making you mine and me yours. If you rather so choose someone else, then so be it.
Although this may sound like another example of men telling women what to do, it is not. This exercise was more of me defying my ‘heart’ and coming to terms with the fact that my intellect would not want to participate in the most classic of ways in which women have been oppressed.
Please write me this too if we meet in a parallel matriarchal world, I hope you will be a masculinist.
I sincerely write off at least my part of our union,